It’s interesting how we outgrow certain things without noticing we did until we pause or perhaps find ourselves in Lagos traffic where you are sometimes forced to reflect -as I did this morning on my way to the office.
So, I used to struggle to explain myself when I am hurt. Even when I am not at fault, I struggle so much that once I attempt to say a thing, I will end up tearing up and it will be dismissed as being emotional or a common trait for lastborns. That shit hurts and messed me up severally. I really want to talk, but the words never would come, only tears. The words are there in my head with utmost clarity but, no way. The tears make their way faster all the time🤦🏾♀️.
I always had to deal with double pain- the hurt of the incidence and the fact that I badly want to explain what has happened but these tears keep messing me up, I can hardly say a word. If I manage, it will be terribly muddled up. I used to be so pained. Kai!
But very recently, a friend hurt me, so bad I could feel my chest pounding. And for the very first time in my life -(I mean as far as I now consciously remember), I looked at this friend and as calmly as possible, as clearly as possible without denying the hurt, pain and disappointment was able to say – “Look, I won’t do this to you, and not to anyone else for that matter“. And I left the scene.
It was magical! Unbelievable. Even while I was leaving, my heart ached and of course I cried later on when I was speaking to a mutual friend about the incident. But I was so profoundly proud of myself this morning as I remembered the incident; that I could really say the things in my head clearly and with so much grace too in spite of the hurt.
It was magical! Unbelievable. Even while I was leaving, my heart ached and of course I cried later on when I was speaking to a mutual friend about the incident. But I was so profoundly proud of myself this morning as I remembered the incident; that I could really say the things in my head clearly and with so much grace too in spite of the hurt.
It took me years, I mean, I outgrew this in my 35th year 😊I am proud indeed. Change is constant and growth does happen.
